Today's blog title is inspired by the song Punches by Frank Turner and you can listen to it here.
I guess this blog is a form of getting all of my thoughts out, reflecting and offering some guidance for other people who may be feeling just as lost and confused as I am. Because in truth, none of us knows what we're doing, do we? It's all just about going with the flow, seeing what happens and giving it our best. And if it doesn't work out, that's ok, we can try again and again and again for as long as it takes. If it does work out, there will be another challenge on the horizon that we can sink our teeth into.
For some context, I was due to submit my doctoral thesis in January 2023. I had my final official milestone yesterday in which I had to present my research to a board and see what the next steps are after a detailed discussion about problems, funding and whether another year will help.
I haven't heard anything back yet, because the chair is asking some questions and trying to find out some information for me. So that's a good sign, I think. They haven't told me outright that I will fail, they might give me another chance to prove myself and show I can do this. Hopefully.
There will always be a part of me that thinks I will fail. I think that's normal because when we challenge ourselves and go outside our comfort zone, we are making ourselves vulnerable and we have to fight and have confidence that we are doing a good thing, the right thing. So, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that while I wait, no matter how lost and confused I feel, I gave the presentation my best shot, I gave it everything I had. And I tried to show that I'm willing to go further to make sure the research is the best it can be.
I'm not giving up, I have already decided that. I haven't worked so hard for the last three years for all that work to be thrown back in my face. It is going to be tough, and it is going to be a very stressful and intense few months, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
I think doing a PhD is incredibly difficult. Especially if you do not come from an academic background like myself. But it is a challenge that I am still ready to battle after three years of work. I'm passionate about my research, I want it to have a real difference for other blind and visually impaired people.
So, while I wait, all of my anxiety, my stress and worry and panic will still be there, it won't go away just yet, I know that. It might never go away. But how I interact with it, how we all interact with our thoughts of worry is not determined by our actions. It is how we act in the face of these worries and negative thoughts which is important.
Keep your head up, and your shoulders back, unclench your jaw and take a deep breath. You're doing just fine. More than fine, you're doing brilliantly.
Until the next time.
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